Читать онлайн F.FEAR.R

-Chapter I-

“Fear”

Wikipedia: ”Fear is an intensely unpleasant primal emotion  in response to perceiving or recognizing a danger or threat”.

What is your fear?

For some, it's spiders. I can't explain why, because for some reason they are not afraid of other bugs like butterflies and June bugs. Yes, butterflies are beautiful and pretty majestic and June bugs are cute little homies. So why spiders? Those people know(or not). But that's not the subject. We are talking about “what” and not “why”. At least for now.

Some are afraid of the dark. Some are afraid of enclosed spaces, some of heights, some of… kittens and their wifes)

What are you afraid of? Think about it. It can tell you a lot about yourself. Help you become a better and just more logical and less emotional person.

If you go deep into your fears, you will realize that many of them are useless, unbased and some are just stupid. But you will also find what you are actually afraid of.

And what is my fear?

I have a lot of fears, too. From the basic ones like many insects and the dark to some serious ones like I’m afraid of being lonely(not alone, lonely. Just so you know the difference). I'm afraid of some animals, afraid of breaking my body and mind, afraid of letting my loved ones down.

And the latter brings us to two of my biggest fears: failure and regret.

I'm scared to fail. I hate to fail. Anything from as small as not cutting bread smoothly to something as big as my life's purpose.

You know the pain, the frustration, the sadness, the desperation of failure. I'm sure.

Yes, many failures are good for you. It's alright to fail when you learn something new. Like kids learning to walk. Their bodies and mind don't know this world yet, so they try to get up different ways, try to walk using different methods. And so they learn to walk.

And life is full of such examples: learning to ride a bicycle and drive a car, learning to sing and speak, learning to play chess and hide'n'seek, learning to peel potatoes so they don't look like they are from Minecraft.

And that is all good, nice and great, but… For me it becomes a fear when I always fail. Sometimes it just seems like it, but I can see the difference between the real failure and a good one.

We've looked at the good one, but with the real one… When you try and try and try and every damn time it look like you fail, you start doubting yourself.

“What if you will ALWAYS fail? “. That's what I’m scared of. To just fail and fail and fail, never fulfilling my destiny the way I want to.

Just to clarify. You write your own destiny. Not God. Not some supernatural power. Not your government. Not your family. Not your friend. No one but you.

Yes, you might say that some things are not meant for everybody. And as much as I don't want to except it, it's true. But it only concerns things like your genetics like height and something like that.