Читать онлайн 200 Мини Анекдотов для Детей на Английском Языке

Школа и учителя (School & Teachers)

1. Teacher: "Why are you late?"

Student: "I saw a sign: 'School Ahead, Go Slow!'"

2. Teacher: "Name two pronouns."

Student: "Who, me?"

Teacher: "Good job!"

3. Teacher: "If I give you 2 rabbits and then 2 more, how many do you have?"

Student: "Five!"

Teacher: "No, it's four."

Student: "But I already have one at home!"

4. Teacher: "Why are you doing math on the floor?"

Student: "You said not to use tables!"

5. Teacher: "What’s 2 + 2?"

Student: "4!"

Teacher: "Good! Now, what’s 4 + 4?"

Student: "That’s not fair! You change the question when I get it right!"

6. Teacher: "Why didn’t you do your homework?"

Student: "My dog ate it."

Teacher: "Really?"

Student: "Do you wanna call him and ask?"

7. Teacher: "Who can use 'definitely' in a sentence?"

Student: "Does a fart have lumps?"

Teacher: "What? No!"

Student: "Then I definitely pooped my pants."

8. Teacher: "What’s the shortest month?"

Student: "May—it only has three letters!"

9. Teacher: "If you had one dollar and asked your dad for another, how much would you have?"

Student: "One dollar."

Teacher: "You don’t know math!"

Student: "You don’t know my dad!"

10. Teacher: "Why did you bring a ladder to school?"

Student: "Because you said it’s high school!"

Родители и домашние дела (Parents & Home Life)

11. Mom: "Did you eat your lunch?"

Kid: "Yes! I traded my apple for a cookie."

Mom: "What about your sandwich?"

Kid: "I ate it—I’m not stupid!"

12. Dad: "Why is your report card so bad?"

Son: "You’re always saying school is a game—I thought we were just playing!"

13. Mom: "Why are your shoes wet?"

Kid: "I stepped in a puddle."

Mom: "Why didn’t you walk around it?"

Kid: "I didn’t see it—I was texting!"

14. Dad: "Son, why did you get a zero on your test?"

Son: "I didn’t want to brag, but the kid next to me got a zero too!"

15. Mom: "Clean your room!"

Kid: "I don’t know how!"

Mom: "Just put things where they belong!"

Kid: "Nothing in here belongs to me!"

16. Dad: "Why is there a 'D' on your test?"

Kid: "Because 'A' was too far to reach!"

17. Mom: "Why is the cat in the fridge?"

Kid: "You said to put the milk back!"

18. Dad: "Why is your homework in the toilet?"

Kid: "You said my work was flushing!" (Flushing + rushing)

19. Mom: "Did you brush your teeth?"

Kid: "No, I couldn’t find the dog’s toothbrush!"

20. Dad: "What’s 5 + 5?"

Kid: "I don’t know, but Alexa does!"

Друзья и глупые ситуации (Friends & Silly Situations)

21. Kid 1: "My dad knows everything!"

Kid 2: "Then why does he wear glasses?"

22. Kid 1: "I ate a clock yesterday."

Kid 2: "That’s time-consuming!"

23. Kid 1: "Why did the scarecrow win an award?"

Kid 2: "Because he was outstanding in his field!"

24. Kid 1: "What’s brown and sticky?"

Kid 2: "A stick!"

25. Kid 1: "Why don’t scientists trust atoms?"

Kid 2: "Because they make up everything!"

26. Kid 1: "Why did the math book look sad?"

Kid 2: "Because it had too many problems!"

27. Kid 1: "What do you call a fake noodle?"

Kid 2: "An impasta!"

28. Kid 1: "Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?"

Kid 2: "Because he wanted to go to high school!"

29. Kid 1: "What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?"

Kid 2: "A carrot!"

30. Kid 1: "Why did the kid eat his homework?"

Kid 2: "Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!"

Домашние животные (Pets & Funny Animals)

31. Kid: "My dog is a genius!"

Friend: "How?"

Kid: "I told him to bark if 2+2=4, and he didn’t!"

32. Kid: "Why did the cat sit on the computer?"

Mom: "Why?"

Kid: "To keep an eye on the mouse!"

33. Kid: "My goldfish died."

Friend: "That’s sad. How old was he?"